Just about 5 minutes ago. I was lying down in my bedroom at my godparent's house, on my mattress, staring at the ceiling and I can feel just tears flowing down from the side of my eyes while I finished listening to my godmom pouring out her feelings to me and heard her cry. And for the next few things that I'm gonna talk about are things that I was supposed to write in my diary but I didn't bring it along with me tonight. So here's the only place I could pour out my feelings. I guess, nobody's really reading this, so I might as well.

Sometimes, I feel like I am two different person, having two different families and life. To be honest, I don't know whether to feel lucky or not. Whenever I have the chance to listen to my godmom just talk about her life and cry to me, I wonder why Mom doesn't do that to me too. Maybe it's because our family has both financial and familial stability unlike my godparents. But because of that I feel that the love given by both my real parents and godparents are just two different kinds of love. With my family, we seldom show our love and appreciation towards each other. Mom doesn't hug me like she should. I don't get to cry on her shoulder. I don't receive hugs/kisses from Mom and Dad before I leave the house. And when I'm outside late, and when they don't give me a call, I don't know whether it's because they really trust me or they actually just don't care. Sometimes, I feel like the only reason why I love my family is because I'm supposed to. I don't love my family because they are always there for me. Because to be honest, I don't think they know what I've really been through. I love my family because that's just what family is supposed to do. But with my godparents I see another different kind of life. I appreciate family more because they showed me how important family is. That even without having their own children, they love each of us like their own even more. And even with other people like their own family members hating on them, they still go through life like it's okay. They still treasure their family no matter how much sufferings they've actually caused my godparents. Living with them in their house for only just a day or two, I realized so many things. I tend to reflect alot about myself. Like now, for example. What they've been through and what they are going through right now, it affects me too. Alot actually. And Mom and Dad might not even know a single thing about it. It feels like I'm really living another secret life on my own. Gosh, I don't know. But what I know is that here, I actually get to see, feel and learn greater things. It's just so different. But of course, that doesn't make me love my own family any less. Cause Mom and Dad gave me everything since the day I was born and I know I can never ever repay for all the things they've done for me. I'm even more grateful. Because I have four parents. And eventhough I'm still very confuse about my life right now. All I know is that, this is happening for a reason. Which is something only He knows better.

And while I'm typing this, I realize how I actually seldom talk to my friends anymore. I don't have htht moments with them like I used to. It feels like all the friends that I thought I could actually talk to, are no longer there for me. Since that incident happen, I stopped trusting people like I did. I don't open up to people easily. But maybe it's a good thing. Because now I know I could only trust a few. Or maybe actually, just one. So, if something's bound to happen and if she leaves, which I pray to God every single day it doesn't happen, then I'm pretty sure I've got noone.