Got scolded by everyone last night again. Especially Jia and Val. They made me do some self-reflection. I felt sorry and guilty cause I know how troublesome I can get sometimes. Jia's always the one taking care of us. Injured my back the other time during training for prelims and one side of my back was pretty swollen. She was the one who applied ointment, rub and massage my back and paste the plaster and everything. I know, I need to stop all of this. I need to know my limits and take care of my own body. I need to stop being a fucking burden to everybody in the team.

Bumped into her and him the other night. Again, we didn't even glanced at each other. I realized how she was trying to avoid and hide herself from all of us. Trying not to make it a big deal because it shouldn't be a big deal for me. I don't know why but I felt the huge lump in my throat. It made me sad. I want to tell her how I feel. But no, I couldn't bring myself to. I hope it goes away someday.